When Darkness Comes Upon You

~Be still and know that I’m with you

Be still and know that I am here

Be still and know that I’m with you

Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you

And covers you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I’m with you

And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed

And sleep no longer comes

Remember all the words I said

Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley

And the shadow comes down from the hill

If morning never comes to be

Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go

And lose where you came from

If no one is standing beside you

Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I’m with you

Be still and know I am~

Be Still by The Fray

            Nightlights used to be my best friend. Though I have trouble falling asleep (it usually takes me at least 30 minutes, depends on how tired I am), I will not be able to sleep unless I am in complete darkness. But I am very afraid of the dark and everything creepy and scary. Becoming a Christian, conquering fear of dark is one of my growths. 

            Sleeping used to be one of the things that I loved yet hated. I love to sleep, the feeling of falling asleep and escaping from the world for that one lasting moment. But I have insomnia (never diagnosed, only my 20 years of daily experience). 

            No one would believe me that I cannot fall asleep. A seven-year-old during naptime was trying hard to fall asleep as quickly as she can. At the same time, trying to fake sleep and hoping that the adults will not find out you’re trying very hard to fall asleep and be obedient. Efforts always fail.

Don’t pretend to be asleep.

(5 minutes of silence) I can see your eye lids moving. Go to bed.

I am trying. I cannot fall asleep.

Don’t listen to our conversation and don’t move around. If you stay still you’ll fall asleep.

I tried but I cannot fall asleep.

            Why wouldn’t I hate naptime if this is doubting scene occurs every time. I wonder if you’ve lived your life like me. Always wait for those who live in the same room as you to go to bed together in order to avoid your light sensitivity which stops you from falling asleep. Then, you watch or listen to everyone else falls asleep before you. For 20 years.

            Other than insomnia issue, I also have great fear of the dark. As if someone is coming after me when I stay in the dark alone. But when I found a God who will walk me through the valley of death (Psalm 23:4, NLT), I slowly find courage to face the darkness by myself. 

            Now I cannot sleep with lights on; I do not have issues with darkness yet, I’m still insomniac. But I have not tried to stay in complete darkness by myself before. So this one day…

            I am tired and ready for bed. So, I picked up my bible and sat on the toilet bowl. A personal space with the Lord. I was praying and suddenly I felt like switching off the light. I did it. Without lights on, it was complete darkness. Three walls, a closet, a door, me, and God. It was a great moment for me to conquer my fear. 

            Though there was not any miracle that I can brag, but I had God’s presence. Earlier the day when I prayed for a waitress, I saw the image of a baby girl. It was a baby but the message was ‘baby girl’. Then in the toilet, God said ‘You’re the baby girl. I’ve always loved you’.

How many times have God brought you to your fears to show His love for YOU?