Singlehood

            Single by choice. That is where I am right now. A lot of people asked me about boyfriends and relationships. Well, my answer is I want to stay single right now. 

            It is very a very perplexing answer to most people. It is very much against today’s norm. In Campbellsville, it is not-at-all surprising to find college students married. While in Malaysia, the average age of marriage is much later. However, being in a relationship is seemed as a rite of passage. 

            I had a very different view about relationship after I become a Christian. I want to pursue the relationship that God had planned for me rather than according to the ways I would plan for them to happen. 

            I learned a lot about relationship from The Edge Summer Project. I learned how to pray for a future husband. I learned how to open up my heart to God and share what my expectations are. It is not wrong to make a list of how you imagine your future husband. 

This is my list:

Egalitarian view on gender issues, vocalize his love to me and children, pray for and with children, provider (not merely financially, but also mentally and spiritually), be active on prayer/worship/bible study in the family

            Of course I would share those responsibilities as well but these are some simple things that I ask God for. The main lesson about relationship that I learned was to maintain a good balance between desiring for a relationship and looking forward to that relationship. 

           “Your goal shouldn’t be to get your way, but to remain stable no matter what comes your way.” Joyce Meyer. 

            After Summer Project, my last semester in college started. A friend of mine is facing some struggles on relationship; I had a chance to share my new found view on relationship with her. I understand how hard it is to stay discipline and obey God for His ways when it comes to relationships.

            But my personal walk with God convinced me that I can never live without Jesus. I much rather be hurt than hurting my Lord. However, I do not felt equipped to advice her on such issues. So I started reading about singlehood, relationship, and its biblical views.

            It doesn’t take a Christian to tell you that Christian beliefs are against pre-marital sex. What about other prospects of relationship? Well, I started reading several books. 

            ‘Singlehood and priesthood’-The book has really good parts on singlehood. But when it gets to advising pastors how to talk to others about relationship, it presumes all pastors are male. That part of the advice is useless to me. However, the book did a really good job in explaining the types of singlehood (divorced, widowed, single by choice, single by default). 

            ‘I kissed dating goodbye’-This is a great book that deals with the argument of courtship vs. casual dating. I learned a lot from this book. I definitely recommend it to those who have questions on healthy romantic relationships.

            After my own study, I gathered some quotes to share with her. That is as far as I can do to share my views. Throughout this experience, I am more convinced that I am single by choice. 

            I had the first hand experience of how much hurt it is to see a faithful follower of Christ follow her heart’s desire rather than obeying God’s discipline life for the sake of a ‘soul mate’. I understand the fear of losing someone who loves you. I understand the feeling of falling in love and having to let go. 

            Because of this experience, I thank God for putting me in a bystander position that allows me to have a feel of His hurt. I see how much it is a challenge to God when we hold on to the present and refusing a better future that God has already written for us. I can smell the stubbornness of human will to enjoy freedom and refuse to set up guidelines to honor and glorify God. 

            I am convinced that I want to stay single to stretch out my time to grow, learn, and serve. It is a very different life when you’re single, in a relationship, or have your own family. You have different responsibilities, time, and lifestyle. A single person has much more time to serve people and learn from God. 

             However, in the world that condemns singlehood and glorify marriage, the desire of relationship will be a great challenge for Christians. I want to share my lesson on singlehood and relationship from God. I chose to stay single at this time because I don’t really know where I’ll be in a year’s time. 

            It is highly irresponsible and selfish to be in a relationship with someone else without having the promise that you will stay with him/her. Or even starting a relationship with someone else expecting him/her to face the challenge of distance with you. Romantic relationship is defined as pre-marriage getting-to-know another person to me, it is ok if it does not work out. 

            However, if I do not enter a relationship without the slightliest expectation of the person being my legal spouse, I personally cannot accept it. Since I am single by choice now, I am learning and growing as much as I can. I do not oppose to going out with someone to get to know them better as friend, but until I know what God plan for my life it would be too self-centered to start a relationship. 

            These are my views on relationship especially singlehood. I would love to share some quotes with you. Tell me what your thoughts on relationship and singlehood are! 

             Intimacy comes when you quit running from the truth about yourself and decide to turn loose… And walk into the future with Me.

            Many Christian people who idolize marriage view singlehood with condescension.